Privacy and control online

How much of your digital life should you share with your partner? Is it ok to keep some things private? What do you do when you can’t agree? Find out what you need to know about privacy and control online.

Should couples share social media accounts or locations?

Sharing is caring, right? But what about when it comes to digital? You might think your partner would never break your trust. But it does happen – and more often than you think.

Differences in how you approach your digital lives is a big cause of arguments. At its worst, tech can be used to control. Monitoring what the other person is doing online, using their phone without their consent, even answering messages meant for them or posting updates without permission.

So, while some couples are happy to share everything from their location to their socials and passwords, it’s not without risks. Maybe things are going great and you’re happy to share. But what happens if you argue, or even break up? Before you share, think carefully about what you’re comfortable with sharing – and when. If you still want to share your location, accounts or passwords, then make sure you know how to unlink your accounts or change your settings in case you ever change your mind.

Setting digital boundaries

You have a right to digital privacy. You decide what you share, when you share it and who you share it with.

• Think about what’s right for you. Talk about your digital boundaries with your partner, and ask them about theirs. Things like: Do you want to make your relationship status public?
• Is it ok to tag you or check in places together?
• Can they friend or follow your friends?

You don’t have to share everything. It’s ok to share some things and not others. And it’s ok to change your mind.

Maybe you’re comfortable sharing your location with your friends, but don’t want to take that step with your partner. Or, perhaps you only want to share sometimes when it makes you feel safer. Like when you’re walking home or if you get a taxi after a night out.

But sharing your location temporarily doesn’t mean you have to do it all the time. No-one needs to know where you are 24/7. If you do decide to share, talk to your partner about how they’re using that information and how often they’re checking on you.

What behaviour isn’t ok?

Healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. You should never feel pressured, forced or manipulated into doing something that you don’t want to do.

No-one has the right to demand to see your messages, secretly look at your phone or go digging on social media. It doesn’t matter what the reason is.  And it doesn’t matter if you’ve got nothing to hide. Everyone has the right to privacy. Your partner should respect your decision and they should never make you feel guilty for not sharing.

If you notice red flags like these, or you’re worried that your relationship isn’t healthy, don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to someone.

Keeping yourself safe online

If your partner is monitoring what you’re doing online,  who you’re talking to, or invading your privacy in some other way, this is abuse. It’s coercive control and  there are things you can do to keep yourself safe.

Our Cover your tracks online guide has lots of information about how to protect your devices, or change your privacy settings – as well as what to think about before you do so.

You’ll also find information about restricting and blocking accounts, and reporting abuse.

If you’re worried that intimate images you’ve shared are, or might be, shared take a look at our advice on sharing nudes and sexting.