What does isolation really look like?

What does isolation really look like?

Isolation in an abusive relationship isn’t just about your partner outright forbidding you from seeing your friends and family. It can be much more subtle and sinister. Here are a few ways your partner might be isolating you without you even realising it.

1. They might get jealous of your friends and family, especially male friends, and ask you to stop seeing them or to block or unfollow them to make themselves feel better.

2. They might convince you that a friend or family member doesn’t treat you well, and pressure you to cut ties with them.

3. They might decide they no longer want to talk to your friend or family member because of some issue, making it harder for you to see that person. They might refuse to come with you, not give you a lift, or make you feel guilty for seeing them by suggesting you’re not supporting your partner if you do.

4. A family member might notice your partner’s unhealthy behaviour and call it out. If you defend your partner, you risk losing friendships or family connections.  

5. They might steal or hide your car keys or phone.  

6. They might control your phone usage by limiting the time you can spend on it, monitoring your messages and calls, or convincing you to share your social media passwords. This might make you feel like you can’t communicate with your friends or family freely or privately. 

7. They might create conflicts with your friends or family, leading you to end those friendships or relationships. 

8. They might make fun of or belittle you for spending time with certain friends or family members. 

9. Or they might fill up all your free time, so you have no time to see friends or family. 

10. Your partner might even try to convince you that your friends or family hate you or wouldn’t want to spend time with you.  

11. Your partner might have a sudden job opportunity in another city or county, or even abroad, and put pressure on you to move away from your support network or make you feel guilty if you don’t support them in moving.

12. Your partner might say you’re free to go out and see your friends, but when you do, they spend the entire time messaging you, or picking a fight with you when you get home- even to the point that you might feel like it’s easier to cut contact with your friends instead. 

So, what do you do now? Isolation is intentional. Without your support system, you might find yourself relying more on your partner for support and validation. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is. Your partner should be encouraging of your friendships and relationships, not isolating you from them.  

Remember you deserve to be happy and feel respected in your relationship, make sure you reach out for support to a close friend or family member, or talk to us at Women’s Aid.