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Is your relationship healthy?

We’ve put together some questions that will help you learn more about your relationship and how healthy it is.

#loverespect

Try to answer some of the questions above and see what others
have to say about it!

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Chlo says:

That’s how it should be! Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t give them the right to take control of your life and your choices.

They should respect the way you choose to dress and shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. If you are worried about this or other things in your relationship though, it’s worth talking to someone sooner rather than later.

Just because you ask for advice doesn’t mean they have necessarily done anything wrong or abusive – no relationship is perfect and it’s good to chat about the positive things happening in your relationship too.

Chlo says:

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Chlo says

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship if they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it.

My ex would talk a lot about how he only liked girls who wore short skirts and low-cut tops. So I’d dress like that when I met him and he’d say I looked beautiful. But afterwards on the phone he’d start screaming at me that I dressed like a ‘slag’. He’d say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me, and that the way I dressed was proof that I was seeing others guys. I didn’t see what my ex was doing as abusive because the way he spoke to me made me think that it was my fault he was angry, but actually making you blame yourself is just another form of control.

I’d advise anyone in that situation to talk to someone about it now – it might not seem like a big deal but lots of little things can build up and you can be stuck in a really difficult, controlling relationship before you know it.

Chlo says

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Chlo says:

That’s how it should be! Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t give them the right to take control of your life and your choices.

They should respect the way you choose to dress and shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. If you are worried about this or other things in your relationship though, it’s worth talking to someone sooner rather than later.

Just because you ask for advice doesn’t mean they have necessarily done anything wrong or abusive – no relationship is perfect and it’s good to chat about the positive things happening in your relationship too.

Chlo says:

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Chlo says

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship if they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it.

My ex would talk a lot about how he only liked girls who wore short skirts and low-cut tops. So I’d dress like that when I met him and he’d say I looked beautiful. But afterwards on the phone he’d start screaming at me that I dressed like a ‘slag’. He’d say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me, and that the way I dressed was proof that I was seeing others guys. I didn’t see what my ex was doing as abusive because the way he spoke to me made me think that it was my fault he was angry, but actually making you blame yourself is just another form of control.

I’d advise anyone in that situation to talk to someone about it now – it might not seem like a big deal but lots of little things can build up and you can be stuck in a really difficult, controlling relationship before you know it.

Chlo says

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Sophie Y says:

That’s great! Trust, a certain amount of personal privacy, and sensible boundaries are key to healthy relationships. They should never invade your privacy, whether it’s checking your phone, your emails, or private messages. Now that I am in a healthy relationship, my boyfriend and I rely on trust, and do not feel the need to check one anothers’ phones. If you still need someone to talk to about your relationship, try talking to someone you trust.

Sophie Y says:

This sounds worrying. Good relationships are based on trust, and if they are looking through your phone without your permission, then they have a problem trusting you. In a healthy relationship, they should also never demand to know your passwords, or tell you that you choosing not to share information is betraying their trust. I had a boyfriend who asked to see my phone when he felt paranoid – at the time I made excuses for him in my head, thinking his behaviour was okay. But after he did that, he felt like he should have access to my messages all the time, and wanted my passwords. Now I make sure I don’t give in – I should be able to keep private messages private.

Sophie Y says:

This is not something that should be happening within a healthy relationship, and if it is happening in yours on a regular basis, you should seek help. There are no excuses which should allow them access to private information. Even if you have behaved in a way that has led them to not trust you before, this is still not an excuse. I’ve been in two relationships where the person demanded to see private messages because they didn’t trust me. I let them because I thought this would prove that I was trustworthy – but now I know that they should have trusted me anyway, and them forcing me to give this information was a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says:

It sounds like you have never seen them checking your phone, but think that they might want to or might have done at some point. If you feel uncomfortable with your relationship and issues around trust, you should speak to someone you rely on.

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Chlo says:

That’s how it should be! Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t give them the right to take control of your life and your choices.

They should respect the way you choose to dress and shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. If you are worried about this or other things in your relationship though, it’s worth talking to someone sooner rather than later.

Just because you ask for advice doesn’t mean they have necessarily done anything wrong or abusive – no relationship is perfect and it’s good to chat about the positive things happening in your relationship too.

Chlo says:

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Chlo says

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship if they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it.

My ex would talk a lot about how he only liked girls who wore short skirts and low-cut tops. So I’d dress like that when I met him and he’d say I looked beautiful. But afterwards on the phone he’d start screaming at me that I dressed like a ‘slag’. He’d say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me, and that the way I dressed was proof that I was seeing others guys. I didn’t see what my ex was doing as abusive because the way he spoke to me made me think that it was my fault he was angry, but actually making you blame yourself is just another form of control.

I’d advise anyone in that situation to talk to someone about it now – it might not seem like a big deal but lots of little things can build up and you can be stuck in a really difficult, controlling relationship before you know it.

Chlo says

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Sophie Y says:

That’s great! Trust, a certain amount of personal privacy, and sensible boundaries are key to healthy relationships. They should never invade your privacy, whether it’s checking your phone, your emails, or private messages. Now that I am in a healthy relationship, my boyfriend and I rely on trust, and do not feel the need to check one anothers’ phones. If you still need someone to talk to about your relationship, try talking to someone you trust.

Sophie Y says:

This sounds worrying. Good relationships are based on trust, and if they are looking through your phone without your permission, then they have a problem trusting you. In a healthy relationship, they should also never demand to know your passwords, or tell you that you choosing not to share information is betraying their trust. I had a boyfriend who asked to see my phone when he felt paranoid – at the time I made excuses for him in my head, thinking his behaviour was okay. But after he did that, he felt like he should have access to my messages all the time, and wanted my passwords. Now I make sure I don’t give in – I should be able to keep private messages private.

Sophie Y says:

This is not something that should be happening within a healthy relationship, and if it is happening in yours on a regular basis, you should seek help. There are no excuses which should allow them access to private information. Even if you have behaved in a way that has led them to not trust you before, this is still not an excuse. I’ve been in two relationships where the person demanded to see private messages because they didn’t trust me. I let them because I thought this would prove that I was trustworthy – but now I know that they should have trusted me anyway, and them forcing me to give this information was a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says:

It sounds like you have never seen them checking your phone, but think that they might want to or might have done at some point. If you feel uncomfortable with your relationship and issues around trust, you should speak to someone you rely on.

Sophie J says

I’m really glad to hear it, because you should never, ever have to deal with a relationship where there is a threat of violence.

Remember, just because someone isn’t hitting you, that doesn’t mean other physical abuse is okay – if anyone scratches or pinches you, trips you up, burns you with a lighter, or does anything else that causes you physical harm, this is also abusive.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he would dig his fingernails into my hand if a boy walking past us smiled at me. I thought he just struggled with his jealousy, but slowly I realised his behaviour was abusive.

Sophie J says

Even if they say it won’t happen again, it’s important to remember that it happened in the first place. Someone who cared for you wouldn’t hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they were.

After my ex-boyfriend hurt me for the first time, he cried and said he couldn’t believe what he’d done. He promised it would never happen again, but it did, many times.

Sophie J says:

It sounds like you’re having a really rough time right now. Please try to remember that nobody has the right to hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they say they are.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was pushed into walls, threatened with BB guns, scratched, kicked and pinched, and even though I knew it wasn’t right I felt somehow like I deserved it. But I was wrong – nobody should ever have to live in fear of another person or with the threat of violence. You don’t deserve that. Now I am with a caring, supportive person who would never harm me. I promise there is help and support out there.

Sophie J says

No one has the right to hurt or threaten you. If you’re worried they might or you think they have already, you might want to get help and speak to someone you trust or talk to one of our experts

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Chlo says:

That’s how it should be! Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t give them the right to take control of your life and your choices.

They should respect the way you choose to dress and shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. If you are worried about this or other things in your relationship though, it’s worth talking to someone sooner rather than later.

Just because you ask for advice doesn’t mean they have necessarily done anything wrong or abusive – no relationship is perfect and it’s good to chat about the positive things happening in your relationship too.

Chlo says:

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Chlo says

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship if they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it.

My ex would talk a lot about how he only liked girls who wore short skirts and low-cut tops. So I’d dress like that when I met him and he’d say I looked beautiful. But afterwards on the phone he’d start screaming at me that I dressed like a ‘slag’. He’d say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me, and that the way I dressed was proof that I was seeing others guys. I didn’t see what my ex was doing as abusive because the way he spoke to me made me think that it was my fault he was angry, but actually making you blame yourself is just another form of control.

I’d advise anyone in that situation to talk to someone about it now – it might not seem like a big deal but lots of little things can build up and you can be stuck in a really difficult, controlling relationship before you know it.

Chlo says

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Sophie Y says:

That’s great! Trust, a certain amount of personal privacy, and sensible boundaries are key to healthy relationships. They should never invade your privacy, whether it’s checking your phone, your emails, or private messages. Now that I am in a healthy relationship, my boyfriend and I rely on trust, and do not feel the need to check one anothers’ phones. If you still need someone to talk to about your relationship, try talking to someone you trust.

Sophie Y says:

This sounds worrying. Good relationships are based on trust, and if they are looking through your phone without your permission, then they have a problem trusting you. In a healthy relationship, they should also never demand to know your passwords, or tell you that you choosing not to share information is betraying their trust. I had a boyfriend who asked to see my phone when he felt paranoid – at the time I made excuses for him in my head, thinking his behaviour was okay. But after he did that, he felt like he should have access to my messages all the time, and wanted my passwords. Now I make sure I don’t give in – I should be able to keep private messages private.

Sophie Y says:

This is not something that should be happening within a healthy relationship, and if it is happening in yours on a regular basis, you should seek help. There are no excuses which should allow them access to private information. Even if you have behaved in a way that has led them to not trust you before, this is still not an excuse. I’ve been in two relationships where the person demanded to see private messages because they didn’t trust me. I let them because I thought this would prove that I was trustworthy – but now I know that they should have trusted me anyway, and them forcing me to give this information was a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says:

It sounds like you have never seen them checking your phone, but think that they might want to or might have done at some point. If you feel uncomfortable with your relationship and issues around trust, you should speak to someone you rely on.

Sophie J says

I’m really glad to hear it, because you should never, ever have to deal with a relationship where there is a threat of violence.

Remember, just because someone isn’t hitting you, that doesn’t mean other physical abuse is okay – if anyone scratches or pinches you, trips you up, burns you with a lighter, or does anything else that causes you physical harm, this is also abusive.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he would dig his fingernails into my hand if a boy walking past us smiled at me. I thought he just struggled with his jealousy, but slowly I realised his behaviour was abusive.

Sophie J says

Even if they say it won’t happen again, it’s important to remember that it happened in the first place. Someone who cared for you wouldn’t hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they were.

After my ex-boyfriend hurt me for the first time, he cried and said he couldn’t believe what he’d done. He promised it would never happen again, but it did, many times.

Sophie J says:

It sounds like you’re having a really rough time right now. Please try to remember that nobody has the right to hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they say they are.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was pushed into walls, threatened with BB guns, scratched, kicked and pinched, and even though I knew it wasn’t right I felt somehow like I deserved it. But I was wrong – nobody should ever have to live in fear of another person or with the threat of violence. You don’t deserve that. Now I am with a caring, supportive person who would never harm me. I promise there is help and support out there.

Sophie J says

No one has the right to hurt or threaten you. If you’re worried they might or you think they have already, you might want to get help and speak to someone you trust or talk to one of our experts

Chlo says

Good! No person or relationship is perfect, but it sounds as though you’re valued and treated with respect. No one has the right to force you to have sex or do anything in bed you’re not comfortable with.

However, you might still want to speak to someone about your relationship or what you’re feeling. Try talking to someone you trust, maybe one of your parents, a friend’s parent or a teacher, or you could call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

That’s not good. It’s never OK to force or pressure someone into having sex or any sexual activities. Your body belongs to you, and you are the only person who decides if and when you want to have sex.

Remember, it’s not just forcing you when you’ve said no – sometimes you can’t say no. For example, if you’ve drunk too much or you are asleep. This means you can’t consent, and it’s again the law for someone to do anything sexual with you in that case.

It sounds as though things are not quite right with your relationship. If you want to get some help, speak to someone you trust or call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

It’s normal to have questions about consent – it can seem complicated. But you know how you feel. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, you didn’t like what they were doing, or you just did it to get them to stop hassling you – those aren’t good.

It sounds like they don’t respect you or care if you’re enjoying what’s happening. No one has a right to pressure or force you into doing things you don’t want to – that’s the simple part. It’s your body and only you get to decide what you do with it.

Remember, you can’t give consent if you’ve drunk too much, or you’re asleep, for example. If you think this has happened, you might want to get help and speak to someone you trust or call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

 

Sophie Y says

This is good news. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to see your friends and family as much as you like – regardless of gender or your relationship history.

Jealousy is common, and is a problem that should be addressed – but if jealousy has gone so far that they are stopping you from seeing certain people, or making you feel super bad about it, that is a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says

A little growing apart when you start a new relationship is normal. I am in a healthy relationship now, and since we have been together, I’ve had less time to see my friends.

However, it’s not something to be ignored, especially if you’re worried about your relationship. I try to make sure I am seeing one of my friends socially at least once a week. The person you’re with should never try to influence how much you see your friends and family, but you should also make sure you don’t isolate yourself.

Ensure you keep a healthy balance – many people who are in unhealthy relationships find problems are made even worse by the fact they’ve become isolated from people who can support them.

Sophie Y says

This doesn’t sound healthy and you should make sure you rebalance the time you spend, so that you are spending a good amount of time with people you would have seen before you started your relationship. If you see friends and family less because they do not like you seeing them, this is especially bad.

If they care about you, they should respect that you need to spend time with other people you love, and should be happy for you to spend time with them.

My ex-boyfriend didn’t want me to see certain people because he was jealous of them – this led to me being isolated and not feeling like I could reach out to them when things got really bad.

Chlo says

Good! In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

There are lots of different things that can be abusive and they can be very subtle, so make sure you talk to someone if you’re worried about your relationship.

Chlo says

No one should be criticising the way you look, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone – they should like you and respect you the way you are.

I know it can be difficult to think you’d be better off out of the relationship, especially if they sometimes say really lovely things as well or if they tell you no one else will like you as much, but saying those things is just a way for them to keep you under their control.

My ex would go from screaming at me that I was ugly, a slut etc. to telling me I was beautiful all in the same day. Even if they apologise or take it back afterwards, criticising the way you look is emotional abuse and you deserve better.

Chlo says

That’s not a healthy sign in a relationship. You deserve better than to be with someone who is criticising the way you look. Even if they take it back afterwards or if they say it in a joking way, if they keep doing it and it makes you feel bad, that is emotional abuse.

I stayed with my ex for three years even though he often said horrible things and criticised me. In-between being unpleasant he would be really lovely. He gave me loads of compliments and at the time he was the only person who made me feel good about myself, so I felt like I needed him. Being nice or apologising afterwards never makes the abuse okay, and if they tell you no one else will like you as much that is just a way to control you.

Talk to someone you trust about the relationship. I know it can be difficult to get out of a relationship like that, especially if you are still into them when they’re being good to you, but once you do get help and get out it gets a lot easier. You deserve someone who is good to you all the time.

Chlo says

In a healthy relationship they shouldn’t criticise your body or looks and they should respect you for who you are. Even if the criticism is in a joking way, if they keep doing it and if you don’t like it or it makes you feel bad, that isn’t okay.

My ex managed to make me feel bad about the way I looked without even saying anything that seemed horrible. I have anorexia nervosa (an eating disorder) and he would say things like, “You look beautiful now that you’re putting on weight!” Even though I wasn’t, he just knew it would really upset me.

Emotional abuse isn’t always easy to spot, but as a general rule if you feel like you’re changing things about yourself to avoid them getting angry or criticising, they are being abusive. If you think something like that might be happening in your relationship you shouldn’t stay with them or put up with it.

Chlo says:

That’s how it should be! Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t give them the right to take control of your life and your choices.

They should respect the way you choose to dress and shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. If you are worried about this or other things in your relationship though, it’s worth talking to someone sooner rather than later.

Just because you ask for advice doesn’t mean they have necessarily done anything wrong or abusive – no relationship is perfect and it’s good to chat about the positive things happening in your relationship too.

Chlo says:

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Chlo says

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship if they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it.

My ex would talk a lot about how he only liked girls who wore short skirts and low-cut tops. So I’d dress like that when I met him and he’d say I looked beautiful. But afterwards on the phone he’d start screaming at me that I dressed like a ‘slag’. He’d say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me, and that the way I dressed was proof that I was seeing others guys. I didn’t see what my ex was doing as abusive because the way he spoke to me made me think that it was my fault he was angry, but actually making you blame yourself is just another form of control.

I’d advise anyone in that situation to talk to someone about it now – it might not seem like a big deal but lots of little things can build up and you can be stuck in a really difficult, controlling relationship before you know it.

Chlo says

If they are telling you what you can or can’t wear or criticising you for it, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Remember something doesn’t have to happen all the time for it be abusive or controlling.

My ex would tell me I looked beautiful and he loved my clothes when we met, then later he might say he’d been embarrassed to be seen with me and I looked like a ‘slag’. I started planning every outfit meticulously to try not to upset him, it didn’t work though as he’d always find something else to pick on. It was exhausting constantly trying to avoid making him angry and I lost a lot of confidence while we were together.

Try to talk to someone you trust about what’s happening in your relationship. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal now, when someone is controlling in a relationship things usually only get gradually worse and it’s better to get help early on.

Sophie Y says:

That’s great! Trust, a certain amount of personal privacy, and sensible boundaries are key to healthy relationships. They should never invade your privacy, whether it’s checking your phone, your emails, or private messages. Now that I am in a healthy relationship, my boyfriend and I rely on trust, and do not feel the need to check one anothers’ phones. If you still need someone to talk to about your relationship, try talking to someone you trust.

Sophie Y says:

This sounds worrying. Good relationships are based on trust, and if they are looking through your phone without your permission, then they have a problem trusting you. In a healthy relationship, they should also never demand to know your passwords, or tell you that you choosing not to share information is betraying their trust. I had a boyfriend who asked to see my phone when he felt paranoid – at the time I made excuses for him in my head, thinking his behaviour was okay. But after he did that, he felt like he should have access to my messages all the time, and wanted my passwords. Now I make sure I don’t give in – I should be able to keep private messages private.

Sophie Y says:

This is not something that should be happening within a healthy relationship, and if it is happening in yours on a regular basis, you should seek help. There are no excuses which should allow them access to private information. Even if you have behaved in a way that has led them to not trust you before, this is still not an excuse. I’ve been in two relationships where the person demanded to see private messages because they didn’t trust me. I let them because I thought this would prove that I was trustworthy – but now I know that they should have trusted me anyway, and them forcing me to give this information was a type of emotional abuse.

Sophie Y says:

It sounds like you have never seen them checking your phone, but think that they might want to or might have done at some point. If you feel uncomfortable with your relationship and issues around trust, you should speak to someone you rely on.

Sophie J says

I’m really glad to hear it, because you should never, ever have to deal with a relationship where there is a threat of violence.

Remember, just because someone isn’t hitting you, that doesn’t mean other physical abuse is okay – if anyone scratches or pinches you, trips you up, burns you with a lighter, or does anything else that causes you physical harm, this is also abusive.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, he would dig his fingernails into my hand if a boy walking past us smiled at me. I thought he just struggled with his jealousy, but slowly I realised his behaviour was abusive.

Sophie J says

Even if they say it won’t happen again, it’s important to remember that it happened in the first place. Someone who cared for you wouldn’t hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they were.

After my ex-boyfriend hurt me for the first time, he cried and said he couldn’t believe what he’d done. He promised it would never happen again, but it did, many times.

Sophie J says:

It sounds like you’re having a really rough time right now. Please try to remember that nobody has the right to hurt you, no matter how angry or upset they say they are.

When I was in an abusive relationship I was pushed into walls, threatened with BB guns, scratched, kicked and pinched, and even though I knew it wasn’t right I felt somehow like I deserved it. But I was wrong – nobody should ever have to live in fear of another person or with the threat of violence. You don’t deserve that. Now I am with a caring, supportive person who would never harm me. I promise there is help and support out there.

Sophie J says

No one has the right to hurt or threaten you. If you’re worried they might or you think they have already, you might want to get help and speak to someone you trust or talk to one of our experts

Chlo says

Good! No person or relationship is perfect, but it sounds as though you’re valued and treated with respect. No one has the right to force you to have sex or do anything in bed you’re not comfortable with.

However, you might still want to speak to someone about your relationship or what you’re feeling. Try talking to someone you trust, maybe one of your parents, a friend’s parent or a teacher, or you could call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

That’s not good. It’s never OK to force or pressure someone into having sex or any sexual activities. Your body belongs to you, and you are the only person who decides if and when you want to have sex.

Remember, it’s not just forcing you when you’ve said no – sometimes you can’t say no. For example, if you’ve drunk too much or you are asleep. This means you can’t consent, and it’s again the law for someone to do anything sexual with you in that case.

It sounds as though things are not quite right with your relationship. If you want to get some help, speak to someone you trust or call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

It’s normal to have questions about consent – it can seem complicated. But you know how you feel. If you’re feeling uncomfortable, you didn’t like what they were doing, or you just did it to get them to stop hassling you – those aren’t good.

It sounds like they don’t respect you or care if you’re enjoying what’s happening. No one has a right to pressure or force you into doing things you don’t want to – that’s the simple part. It’s your body and only you get to decide what you do with it.

Remember, you can’t give consent if you’ve drunk too much, or you’re asleep, for example. If you think this has happened, you might want to get help and speak to someone you trust or call one of the helpline numbers.

Chlo says

 

Sophie J says

That sounds like a good outcome to me – if they’re not freaking out but they do want to discuss it with you, hopefully that chat will help you to explain why you’re having doubts about the relationship.

Remember that you always have choices, and that if you’re unhappy and want to break up, someone who cares about you will respect your decision even if it’s not what they want to hear.

Sophie J says

When you’re really close to someone, I think it’s quite normal to feel like your life would be bad or scary or worse without them in it. But if someone says they can’t live without you, this can sometimes be a manipulative way of getting you to stick around – after all, no-one wants to feel like they have caused someone to harm themselves or to consider taking their own life.

When I was with my ex, he would tell me that his life would be worth nothing without me and that we would always be better off together because no-one else “understood” us. He spent all his time with me and I worried that without me he would really struggle. But then I realised that it wasn’t my problem if he did – I knew I needed to get out and to start afresh, no matter how difficult he found it.

Sophie J says

No-one should be threatening you. Sure, no-one likes the idea of being broken up with, but someone who respects you will also respect your wishes.

I think it’s really important to remember that threats can come in many forms – it may be physical or it may be something different, like emotional blackmail or threatening to share photos you’ve sent them. If this is happening to you, it’s not okay.

Sophie J says

If you’ve been thinking about it for a while and haven’t mentioned it, you might want to ask yourself why. If you’re scared about how they might react, or worried about what they might do, that’s not good.

Maybe you’re just not sure what you want, and that’s totally fine – take your time to make a decision that’s right for you now. Try talking it through with someone you trust, or if you’re worried you can email or call our helpline.

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